What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i think my mom watched the whole time
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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