It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
