Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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