do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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