I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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