That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
