it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
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PS: I just woke up from my shower
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
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You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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