so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
