other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
