the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Someone signed my nipple.
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