dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
he high fived his dick after we had sex
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
