I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I love you.
Bad choice
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
