Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize