i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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