Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
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We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
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If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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