Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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