He asked me if I "almost moaned"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
