if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
