the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
