Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
