Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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