we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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