so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
