some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
