dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
