erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I can't turn off my feet"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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