From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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