If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
