you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
