I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
