did you get engaged???
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
