very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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