We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
