i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
