Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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