Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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