i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
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While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
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I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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