i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
