Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
