I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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