i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
