Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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