Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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