The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
