His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
