that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
