The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
