It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
