you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
