so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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