"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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