I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
