I bet he comes in French.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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