I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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