My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
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Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
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k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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