so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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