...so i touched it.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
