guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
