He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
