But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
