Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
