so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
