so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
