Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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