I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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