party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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