Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
