it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
