i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
