I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
