He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
