question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
