My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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