The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
