You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
