guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
