No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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