Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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